A very engaging day, and more thoughts on Courage.

Today was exhausting and busy. I have been "going" since before 8 am and didn't finish all outside required engagements until 7:30 pm. Then happy homework and soon bed. 

I know I had planned to write about something particular but as often happens when I get this tired, I can't remember. Anyways, on to something I do remember. 

Some particularly chirpy student was humming "Courageous" by Casting Crowns, as he sauntered past me as I worked in Brock Hall. The song started me thinking about Courage and an experience from last summer when I was working for the Carolina conference as a Literature Evangelist Jr leader...

It had been a long summer, and we were only 2 weeks from the end. We had effectively been kicked out of most of our near by territory and in a last ditch attempt to make it we spontaneously went on a group wide satellite (so more of a transplant)  for one week. I was beyond exhausted and was really struggling on focusing on reading the maps/getting good territory. After one long colporteur Friday I was ready to crash and managed to get all of my girls in the little room we were sharing. They guys happened to have other plans, they were laughing and carrying on, like they normally did I suppose, the main difference was that there was a very thin wall between their room and ours. I decided that for my sake and the sake of my girls I needed to ask them to quiet down. However as they continued with their jokes they decided to make an impromptu song and proceeded to poke fun at all the leaders as they added random verses. Just as I reached their door to knock and ask them to "tone it down" they reached my name. My hand stopped mid motion and I just listened to them. 

While I don't remember what they said, nor do I hold it against them, it was the straw that broke the camels back. I shrunk away from the door like an injured animal and headed for the comfort of the stars. I slipped out the door and curled up next to the van and bawled. I was too tired to sleep, too tired to do anything. I had a whole list of complaints to bring to my Heavenly Father and I was determined to get them squared away. "Why did You bring me here? What purpose do I have here? I'm not helping, they think X, Y Z of me!"  Etc etc.  One heavy shovel  full of disappointment after another. 

As I sat out there talking to my Father, one student happened to get up for the restroom. He was one of our older students (older than me) and when he saw me crying etc, he came over and asked what was wrong, I tried to doge the question but his persistence won out and I finally caved, and in as few words as possible explained why I was broken.  

I had brought my bible out with me with intentions of reading it after I was done, however as I explained myself he started flipping through it. 

Finally when I stopped explaining he read Joshua 1:9 

^"9 Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged, for the LORD your God will be with you wherever you go.”"

Then he proceeded to Explain that with the promise, God didn't say it would be easy. Rather God said to have COURAGE because it was not going to be easy. In essence, if it was going to be easy God wouldn't have encouraged Joshua to be courageous. Also he had me note that God did not explain what would happen but rather, no matter what happened, God would be there. 

I have never forgotten my students' strong lesson that night. I needed to hear it and I have referenced back to it several times. Life is full of "scary" shadows and there are plenty of "impossible" tasks that face me daily but God is there to give me strength and courage, all I have to do is surrender to Him and Trust Him to make it right in the end. 

How few there are who have courage enough to own their faults, or resolution enough to mend them.
Benjamin Franklin