Ahh I know that God knew that i needed this day. pretty much the day consisted of doing homework at a leisurely pace, reading, some journal time, lots of relaxing reading, browsing a book store and a few other random items. it was really just one of those days that brought me so much peace with Him and with current storms. As I talked i finally opened my heart and cried out so many things that had been burdening me for the last few weeks (Christmas break till present) . over and over i had tried to battle off waves of temptation of worthlessness, abandonment and serious yet short bouts of depression. And He was so patient, so kind, SO incredibly loving. He listened and helped me work through it, hugs, courage and strength were only some of the amazing gifts He gave me today (and actually they are gifts He has given the whole way through)... Ahhh! I wish i could form it in words all the long talks on varied topics we had today but as pastor Smith said "Our relationship with God is not always explainable" so I wont bore/ confuse you and try to explain it any more... <3
One more note : After a day like today there is temptation to try to focus on just what answers or solutions i procured from all of my devotional time. While No i do not have all the answers, in fact I'm fairly sure i have more questions than before, i have about twice the peace, and enough strength to propel me into this next week and enough trust in Him so that i Know He will get me through it :)
Okay ONE MORE (hehe) before bed, i really don't know where i would be with out prayer. It truly is the breath of the soul and yet often i know i am in dire need of more each day. Several friends knew that i was hitting a rough spot in my journey over these last few days and i know they prayed for me. Good friends are hard to find but I'm just starting to realize that there are more of them, when one actually stops to be a lot more real and a little less guarded. mm Grr... It just easier sometimes to help/ listen to other rather than opening up and being exposed. eh, tis an interesting dilemma, but not one that will ever leave while im still on this earth i suppose...
"Though our feelings come and go, Gods love for us does NOT. " ~ C.S. Lewis
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