Defense

Sorry i have been so spotty on writing on here. Another writing eperiment has taken up my time and while I suppose I could copy those notes over to here with some minor adjustments - meh - its to much work lol.
 Anyways the newest thing in my life has been a short Self Defense class offered here at the University - its Free (the college students favorite 4 letter word starting with F) and has been really beneficial to my cofidence level. I use to take risks - do stupid things - with a facade of cofidence that would make some friends shudder - Now I can more confidently  step in and take risks - with knowledge of how to defend myself if the situation arose... its pretty epic lol. (Although that is not to say I shouldn't be counting my costs a bit more and yes in all honestly being a little bit more careful in my daily life *Ahem*  but that is a topic for another day)

Moving on. . .

Work has been good - its nice to be feeling better and thus working all 8 hours as planned. It can get a bit boring but for the most part I don't seem to run out of things to think about -  debate for today was - "what makes a villain into a villain ?"  Why is the "bad guy" bad ? - didn't come to any major conculsions - beyond the fact is if you refuse to look at any situation from any angle but your own, you are setting yourself up to possibly be on unstable ground. - I guess the main characteristic I found in the "bad guys" (from kids movies, stories and history) is this intense drive to do something self-gratifying (ruling the world, getting personal revenge etc) with an intense dedication level/stubbornness - which almost always led to their demise. Now then I know that the bad guys are bad etc, but in all honestly I did have to cede one point - they were in most cases more sure about their hair brained and wicked ideas than the good guys were about their sane, and safe plans - the bad guys for some reason always have a macho confidence level that most "heroes" seem to lack.
One of my Favorite Authors is Victor Hugo - In both of his more famous works, Les Miserables and Hunchback of Notre Dame - He really takes time to flesh out the "bad guy" as a reader and self appointed Critic - I LOVE IT - I find myself caring as much about his "bad guy" characters and their journey (which still ends traditionally in most cases) as I care about the "heroes" journey.
 Anyways... I will spare you my ramblings of examples and counter examples - but it is sufficient to say that my thoughts at work were an interesting debating and sorting out of this random topic.

Bad guys don't think they're bad guys. Hitler probably thought he was a wonderful guy doing some wonderful and righteous work for Germany. --- Martin Landau 

Lesson Learned?

So coming home from travels is exhausting enough - re entering a culture and readjusting to "this life" is interesting... its more interesting when one is sick - though not recommended.
One question though that I have gotten from sever people is "have you learned your lesson??"
Learned my lesson? Hmmm Well... here is what I have learned...
1. I love traveling
2. I love serving others especially those in need.
3. God is my rock (and He is the same here as He is anywhere else)
4. If God leads me to travel more and to Share him (through various ways) I will.
5. Getting is yes a risk - and not a fun experience, however if in life we never took risks we really would have much a life to start out with.

And so Yes - i have learned my lesson - Keep moving Forward - Follow His lead, and step out, even when I don't know where my next stepping stone is. - this lesson is one I hope to implement more fully into my craZy life :)


I like adventure. 
Marc Garneau 

Culture

Been back in America for a bit now - I should be re assimilated  - but possibly due to all the sickness and quarantine time - i'm not.

Went to the mall today... almost as noisy as an African market- but a totally different tone. I was with some new friends who have been out in the mission field as well - they have fully assimilated and yet talk still with that far away reflection of their other homes. It was comforting to see those reflections and refreshing to hear their stories and share some of my own. Admits the chaos of shoppers shopping, children whining, and teenagers "chilling", three friends were able to sit and talk of time past. lol I guess I am just a bit nostalgic and probably a bit odd to be treasuring these moments - yet I rationalize that if don't treasure the beauty of today - what hope have I for tomorrow? 

And on another note - yes - I'm young - yes I have lots of time and years to go before I should be so serious  about life (echoing what counsels have been offered) - but yet I shake my head in slight disagreement - If I am not serious about my tomorrow - who will be? And so I feel caught in this drag and push culture one where I am expected to be completely prepared and yet not be so serious and "live life". I know I march to my own drum - I know the rhythmic pattern is "off" and different from the droning beat of society and yet somehow I find a way to walk my own path. God help me. I think I am starting to get a glimpse of what I want to be - and where I want to go - but its gonna be a long journey ahead of me :P 

Anyways random ramblings the conclusion being Life Goes on :) 

That which does not kill us makes us stronger.
Friedrich Nietzsche

Sick

So yeah I'm sick still it's been interesting to say the least ... Went to Er today just to run through a gantlet of texts -- found out I have a uti/ kidney infection, eye infection and allergy/ sinus infection. More tests are still being run on my blood and so I guess I will know if anything else goes haywire lol

"Life is either an adventure or it's nothing." - Hellen Keller

Temperatures and Tempests

So yeah I'm sick...
When i went to Africa i got sick - but then Got better (praise the LORD) as my body readjusted - now that I'm back at home i think its going through the process again - Best solution? Go back to Africa - practical solution - Grin and bear it...
I live a fairly fast paced lifestyle - i enjoy being active and involved - but when i get sick its like all time slows to a crawl - when  simple movements become a marathon i'll admit i loose heart...
I lost pretty much all motivation this morning - feeding the dogs, and getting to work while sick was not at the top of my list - add in the pouring rain making rivers all over the place and bed was looking especially inviting...well for better or worse i went to work - I need to work but what to do when physically my body inst up to it? oh the decisions of young adulthood...and of responsibility in general

So needless to say I was feeling pretty down and out - no spring in my step and smiling required too much effort... i was beyond dragging... I talked with my heavenly Father - complaining mainly and begging  for some help. He sent it - but not in the way i expected.

I was trying to focus the bit of energy i had into scrubbing  a particularly stained sink when my phone buzzed - "new message from ----" - I smiled as i read the first words "Find a gleam in every day"- familiar words - brave words - too look for the good in the midst of trail is an easy concept to project but harder to practice - at my Fathers (heavenly) urging i started making a list of things i was thankful for - at the top was the fact that I have an amazing friend (s) and a patient Father who Knows what I need not just what I ask for...

"You have to face the clouds to see the silver lining" - song

Ticks. (no tocks)

Ticks are nasty and terrible tinny vampires....
I took almost a dozen off the dogs today, they rewarded me with serious looks of mistrust, until i fed them dinner - then all was well. After taking each blood stuft creature off smashing them with a wooden block was bittersweet in the fullest meaning of the word... Yeah they are dead - yet Gross! blood on the porch and disturbingly enough on me as well!-- Reason 63 that I hate arachnids... Spiders, ticks and all the rest are in te bottom of my list ...
well as one professor pointed out "at least they (spiders) don't fly!!"

"nice spider...let me pet you- with my shoe !!" - fb

hokey pokey

"That's what its all about"
what "its" all about eh? assuming "its" is life, then I think my life and this song are at odds...my life seems to be wrapped in work, chores, sleep cycle, stuck on repeat - but not in bad way really...
sleeping at least is a unique experience each night.. stupid malaria pills are giving me the most bizarre dreams... everything from fighting alien robots, to saving my little sisters from a house fire - it has been super intense ! Nope, not a dull moment for me :)
In other news, I feel super domesticated. Today I examined, planned and accomplished an  average goal - grocery shopping!
Now then don't get too excited, I have shopped before, but always for at least a small group. So work thoughts consisted of planning out meals for this next week, making multiple mental lists of items needed versus items wanted and constantly reminding myself not to buy too much cause I can only eat so much! I think my mission was accomplished fairly well, but time will be the true test... If by next week I am eating crumbs, or have mountains of food, I will be able to adjust  and try again - ah the joys of a new adventure... and worries/ difficulties of a 1st world culture (FAIL!) ... I miss Africa.
Well... I'm not quite sold on the idea that the hokey pokey is what its all about, at least my life seems to be a bit more interesting than a children's song. Life seems mundane to some, but its all about perspective, agreed?

Toilets

So another day from Africa... It's funny the silly things I find myself still doing even though I am back at home... Such as - there we didn't have much (if any) running water so toilet flushing was not done after every use, in order to conserve ... Yeah I'm working on getting use to that again... Lol ups funny how random habits linger... anyways ... Work is fun ish - I have 218 Songs on my iPhone - It takes only 2 wrk days to filter through them... I need to find books or something cause music will not be sufficient for this next month...

"I'd rather love just a little too much" - song

Jet lag

I am exhausted! Went to work - made a billion stupid little mistakes... Note: even if one was just in the restroom for the opposite sex, one should always knock before entering because there is a Risk of someone ignoring the signs and supplies and entering in order to "ease" themselves. The second lesson is to always check stalls cause 2 min into cleaning is an awkward time to heard a toilet flush, especially when one had assumed a state of solidarity... Fail - but funny in hindsight :P

Had a nice lunch outside, shirt hike / walk after work and in general a good day...

"Trust in the Lord with all thine Heart"

Why don't you,

"Meet me in heaven"
The song haunts the insides of my heart and soul as I zombie through the various airports and security check points.
I don't want to leave, not ready yet. No desire to face "home" life.
"America isn't home..." I whine to my heavenly Father as my eyes start to blur once again.
"No, but neither is Sierra Leone..." He rebuttals, with a firm, yet gentle tone.
"Heaven is our goal, save every soul"
Heaven, no more sea, no more separation - from God or from fellow man. A place where we can all join together, sing and worship. Goodbyes will be no more, and "see you later"'s more certain and filled more quickly.
"Pray that we all will be there..."

Falling rain

The last few days have been super amazing - I have seen Gods rain of the holy spirit pour down as many choose to dedicate their lives to Him... It has been beautiful and heart warming...
He is so good and I am beyond thankful for being here ... Africa has stolen my heart- and the funny thing is, I don't want it back. I have found a place where my "off beat" drum is right in tune, where I can march confidently. God knows I was meant to be In Africa this last month. And I pray that He has some epic plans for me to return, somewhere, someday.
But for now we travel... And listen to the blessed rain fall. :)

A morbid topic

Death, the final adventure. Yet 99 % of people spend their whole lives avoiding it.
Call me morbid, and strange but I love this topic of death. Well at least in sermon form. Lol
Wow Such a sermon of hope... I cannot wait to see my loved ones in heaven, where we all will be happy with God... 1 Thess. 4...

Miracles and madness

( 5/26/2012) Well a simple way to show how the last few days have been is to share my texts sent to key people back at home

"Hey so we could use prayers - rampant discouragement among the troops... Sabbath was a hard topic and between that an other issues (health, church corporation etc) its easy to become down, and when one goes other follow...I'm trying to be as bubbly as ever, cause I know He is going to step in and work in amazing ways. Now then not everyone has these problems - many sites are okay I think - and it'd probable all the sites are okay but we are blinded 2 it... So anyways thanks for the prayers :) God is good :)"

"Epic epic epic day!!! 118 baptized today (total from all sites) saw God in amazing ways today :) oh n some students (not me) observed demon possession 1st hand - but God pulled through - God is good :) epic epic day!! "


Epic epic epic day - sometime ask me about John and the Roman catholic lady double miracle? And of the demon possession (as observed by another student and then told to me) Anyways I need sleep!! Chao!!

"in my darkest hour, You reveled Your power; You hear my desperate cry, and reached to dry my eye" - song

Africa

(5-21-2012) This place is amazing - saddening, shocking and scary at times but amazon none the less. So far I have been through all sorts of crazy adventures, patted down by kids mobbing me ( trying to find something 2 steal). Herded like a sheep around my site so I stay safe and "within bounds" per say. Begged by little kids to be taken back to America ( I will be good, very quiet; they bargain) and seen poverty at a level that was absolutely despairing, and then realizing it gets worse... :/ however what never ceases to surprise me is overall happiness on people's faces over simple things. Kids play with empty buckets and rickety home made wheelbarrows of sorts, adults are just happy to talk or even just sit by me (that and I think one or two is constantly assigned 2 be near me) .

Haha the other thing that is taking some getting use to is the general serious protection/ babying.
"sit (in this special chair) to conserve energy for the sermon"
"eat more food for you need more strength"
and in general
"no! You can't do that it's not safe"

It's all very interesting but I am being as flexible as I think I have ever been, it's all good - God is good. :)

Ramblings

(5/22/12 - evening) Mmm so being positive all the time is pretty much impossible, I mean I can be a happy person without being bubbly and what not right?
So I need to vent. Tonight was amazing, I watched a thunderstorm spilt and lightning literally bend around my site - great right? And yet this one little thing bothers me...
Before the meeting tonight I was standing by the side gate of te compound, just watching people pass on by. It's lots of fun, until they see me, a white girl. Some glance at me and look at the ground, their faces kept pretty much emotionless. Others smile and wave (creating more attention) and still others come on over to "talk". However since I don't speak krio, talking can be difficult at best.
Today a man can over and Said in broken English "I like you"
II smile and asked if he had been coming to the meetings,
"no, but I want to be with you" he responded with a look that made my skin crawl. Suddenly I was super thankful for the metal gate and tall wall that was separating us. I conjured up enough of a mask of smile and invite him to the meetings, ignoring whatever he may have been implying. He continued on so finally i got a brilliant idea, I started rambling in spanish! The look of confusion on his face was priceless! Eventually i switched back to english and excused myself to the inner part of the compound.
I Don't know Why this guy has bothered me so much. I have heard the same words before, its not an uncommon experience for a young white girl who is traveling abroad, yet his comments hit me at a deeper level.
I want to be liked and one day lived for who I am, as a person, for my character. Not because I'm white, smart, blonde, pretty etc. not just because of correct "chemistry" or just for some sort of status boost. Nor do I want to be with someone, just to avoid not being with anyone. . .
I know it's a little irrational to go from this one mans comment to the realm of my personal relationships, but tonight that's where it hit hardest.
I am super thankful for a God who knows me, for me, and lives me anyways. I suppose I am kind of spoiled, for there are so many who do not have this assurance of love, and the confidence it brings. Yet I find room for loneliness. Silly, girlie-ish lovesick romantic junk, I know. Yet very real. Anyways I need sleep, Tomorrow is a new day!

"But I won't give up, no I won't break down... I will be strong, even of it all goes wrong... Someone's watching over me"

Adaptability

Life is all about adaptability. For centuries both humans and nature have adapted to survive (and thrive) in what ever circumstances that are presented. Cultures - or the way of life are all fitted around the circumstances that are present.
Here in africa I watch as the people, fluid as water, bend and turn with the events of life.
A hot day? Find some shade and rest. Pouring rain? Find shelter, or abandon all care and press on- enjoying the free shower.
With all our modernization and technology the western culture has really lost this fluidity. Cause and effect, funny how easily the ripples of culture are shifted.

When God doesn't answer

Tonight (5/22/2012) was the 2300 day prophecy night - its my least favorite sermon namely cause I hate numbers!! As the day went on I silently dreaded the set hour of numbers and figures that I would have to face.

As I got to my site it was raining - muddy, and wet elders met me as I came up to the compound. When asked about plans with the rain, my head elder and translator strongly stated that God would take care of it.
"He made the world and He will get ride of the rain, why do you doubt?" he chastised the church members who dared to voice their concern.
I sat quietly and prayed. I hoped that the rain would End Because I figured that if it was raining people wouldn't bother to walk to the meeting no matter where we had it.
The rain reduced to a sprinkling, and the head elder ordered the rickety wooden pews to be brought out. However just as the PA system was being set up, the rain picked up. The people scattered like cockroaches, dodging under the over hang around the compound, crowding into the classroom door ways.
We waited. And waited. We watched the water drip off the tin roof, creating little "river" boarders to the building and soaking all the wooden pews.
Finally they decided to being the pees in under the awning of the buildings - so out we went, getting wet yet laughing all the way as we slipped and slid in the mud. I got to help for a little while, but then was strictly instructed to stay dry! :)
Anyways we were able to "wade" through the program, dodging both the literal and attitude raindrops that brought mixed emotions.
The underlining question was simply - why?
God is all powerful - he predicted things that were to come 2300 years in advance, let alone all the other miracles that occur on a daily basis . But yet it rained.
This question of Why is not restricted to African rain. I ask why all the time. Why did this or that happen, or why did this not work out? And in the end all I hear in response is the soft sound of rain, and the winds of no response.. The silence of God. It's odd and wow every time I hear it, I long for heaven all the more... Finally I can ask all the questions I want and get answers as to why! I can't wait! :D sigh - even with the promise of heaven, I still wish I had answers now, but all in His time they say. It's not like I have much of a choice as far as making God answer. Cest la vie! - anyways I need sleep! Good night!

"the aching may remain, but the breaking will not, when the heavens only answer is silence of God" - song