Dancing

Dancing... I have never really tried it before, maybe a little when i was a kid, but anything in a group or with others around was am absolute No Go in my life. Until tonight. Several friends were die hard set on going "Barn dancin" Country music, get up and all. So here we came a bunch of awkward college students observing for the first time what "country" is. And wow... it was very eye opening.

When we first filled into the "barn" - more of a shed with a tin roof and saw the hazy lights and general noise of it all- i have to admit I shrunk a little on the inside. 

"Heathen Hole!" my brain screamed as I mazed my way  through the chairs and groups of people. I look a slow deep breath in, No cigarette  smoke, no alcohol, that must be good for something I reasoned as my eyes adjusted. 

As the music started playing and people started lining up to follow each other in their rhythmical movements, I started to relax. 

Right, Right, Back, Back, Forward, Back, Spin, Right... the movement became easier with practice. Slowly I got my "sea legs" and started enjoying myself. Some songs were fast, others slower (skipped out on pretty much all the slow ones), song after song only led to an increase in both laughter and smiles as we stumbled to get our feet in cadence with the rest. 

At one point we wondered out side to catch some fresh air and the stars were AMAZING - bright and twinkling - ah! absolutely breath taking :) 

Really did have a great evening. (and an amazing day as well) but i have several big tests that desperately need attention... 

Dancing is the poetry of the foot.
John Dryden

Improvement

Life is like a river, sometimes fast, sometimes slow, always moving.
Yeah I'm not perfect, at anything, but I do have the hope of a tomorrow wherein I can improve.

"The biggest room in the world is the room for improvement" - Arlain Hickman

Sunny Day (actually today)

1. Sunshine outside.

2. The invention of texting. 

3. I passed my Racquetball test 

4. I got 4 cups made in Ceramics. 

5. I had an Amazing evening...  :) 

Find a place inside where there's joy, and the joy will burn out the pain.
Joseph Campbell

Questions

I ask a lot of questions... for some its strange, they seem to think Im investigating them or something, but no, i just want to know about them as a person. Words of affirmation is tied for my top love language and so i guess it makes sense that I like to communicate with people - more particularly hearing their answers to basic questions. There is a lot to learn from people- not only in the words they respond with but, how they speak (fast, slow) or their body language... very fascinating !

Anyways questioning in my opinion shows that you care - I know i have addressed this before on here, but when someone takes the time to ask how my day went, and from listening to the answer formulates a follow up question - it just makes me feel like they actually wanted to talk to me - not just going through the motions -  pretty simple - but true. 

To be, or not to be: that is the question.
William Shakespeare

Happy days (Sorry posted to wrong blog)

Its sabbath that makes it epic... add in epic hikes, kind words and a grin that won't be hidden...  and its just an amazing day :) anyways its late and shocker - im going into work in the morning... :)

Friendship is unnecessary, like philosophy, like art... It has no survival value; rather it is one of those things that give value to survival.
C. S. Lewis

Happy *

Me? Happy... yeah extremely.... lol wow... anyways... im uber happy and yeah - Check out 20's bench in Walmart has never been a more epic place - just sayin! :P  But i should hit the sack...

“Friendship is born at that moment when one person says to another: "What! You too? I thought I was the only one.” 
― C.S. Lewis

What a day!

Sooo today started terrible!!! I got to psych class all happy go lucky feeling, only to be shocked into the horrors of reality of a test! Get this - the teacher has a strict schedule on tests - ever other TUESDAY but then today of all days for some crazy reason he has one!!
"read your syllabus" is his only response to my gaped mouth stare... grr some  people.
Anyways after that geography, then studying for Intro to ministry test - which was a breeze, and then ... well i guess it will all come out if it works out but some epic and exciting changes appear to be in the mix... I'm just praying that it all works out, and trying to decided if I need to just take my own advice and just go for it... well anyways I feel super cryptic - haha and overall happy about all of this. Anyways tis enough to say i had a great afternoon.
Then i went to an amazing concert - Naked voices an acapella group here on campus - they were pretty amazing i absolutely loved it :)  with a nice mixture of spiritual and secular songs - all well done - anyways it was great.
Next anna and I got some yogurt, and sat on the round-about and watched the cars go by - lol they probably thought we were crazy but we enjoyed it and got to talk for a bit. Next we pestered our RA for a bit and yeah :)

Anyways - lesson being - no matter how a day starts out - it can end well :)


Let us be grateful to people who make us happy, they are the charming gardeners who make our souls blossom.
Marcel Proust

Gift of life

So today I gave blood - i really should stop doing this but the ideal of saving someone is too strong. lol oh well. It was super draining to give it though - ended up skipping my skills test for racquetball - fail... on the other hand i got to sleep and i feel better..

Well one things for sure - I so so thankful for the Lover of my Soul who gave up not just some - but ALL - of His blood to save me... yeah He's amazing...

Finals

Finals are approaching... they are pretty much as evil as they come. I am super busy and thus I didnt post this last night :P Fail....

Death

Funerals. I despise them. I know that they are supposedly healing and good, but in general I avoid them like the plague, and only go if I really need to.
This weekend I needed too. I didn't know him too well, more of an acquaintance, but to my greatest mentor and friend, an adopted brother. She had had a long week and traveling alone with such sorrow was a risk not worth taking, and a problem I could easily fix.
The service was beautiful, if I have funeral I would hope it could be just a fitting. It was perfectly tailored to match the beauty of life this guy lived, while not completely ignoring the tragedy of it all.
While listening to multiple pastors and "suits" explain how Kris impacted their ministry through his gifts and training in media, both directing and filming, I was surprised. He had a short life, but in that life he impacted and grew many ministries for the gospel work. Share Him, The Quiet Hour and the General conference of the Seventh Day Adventist church, are just a few ministries he helped in the media department. One of his greatest pieces being a script he wrote of the great controversy, in "Hollywood" form, his dream was to use this art, subtle hints and all, to influence the masses on the truths of our battlefield of a world. To my understanding he wanted to produce it separate of any religious association, and rely on the art, instead of a name, to make its point. Fascinating really, a dreamer of the highest standard. The only problem being the devil himself.
As I sat, frozen to the pew, I could help myself but to curse at the devil. - JERK. It was him who screwed with Kris, set up barrier after barrier and eventually threaded a disaster of a doctor to give him the wrong prescription, which led to serious side effects, one risk being suicide.  The whole situation had the devils fingerprints scattered around. Terrible. Sickening. and absolutely aggravating.
I mourned at the loss of life, it didn't have to end this way. I watched as in many cases along with sorrow, there was a general sense of guilt written on many peoples faces. "what if I did ____" was a lingering thought haunting their minds. Some knew that they had done all they could, others were left with varying shadows of doubt. Sickening, saddening and most of all heart wrenching.
As I watched, I shuddered inwardly. reflections of my past started to arise, his death did not only effect him. Death has a way of sticking its cold fingers from it's victim right into the hearts of those who loved him most. While in many cases, the death of a close friend or family member does not mean death for the loved one, at least not in the full spectrum of things, but it does mean death in a part. Each of us has little parts of other people, the people we love, tucked inside, and when those people die, those parts do as well, and so we have a hole. In some ways suicide seems so selfish when looked at from this angle, no matter how bad it gets, if there is any sort of even super basic relation with other people, to take ones own life means death in part for that other person.
I was lost in my thoughts when another musical number came up.
"The Victory is won, He is risen from the dead, and I will Rise, when He calls my name"
 I caught my breath, this song? here? My chest tightened
"No more sorrow, No more pain"
I held my breath and got caught up in the crescendo.
"I hear the voice of many angels sing, "Worthy is the Lamb" I hear the cry of every longing heart, "Worthy is the lamb".

My heart swelled with the notes, somehow some way, it was okay. Life down hear sucks, but Jesus already won. The devil might have appeared to win - but to paraphrase one of the pastors - the devil wanted Kris dead long before this time, in fact the devil didn't want him to be born, so God won out 41 years - its a victory!
It is not my place to judge, and Lord knows I am happy that it is not, but whatever the case may be, I trust both the ultimate Judge and Advocate, because the know the truth, from the chemicals to the inner thoughts, and He knows what is best.  I can, and do trust in Him alone.


Birth and death; we all move between these two unknowns.
Bryant H. McGill

Pruning

Have you ever had a garden? I haven't ever had a personal one, but the high school I attended sure did.
The summer before my Senior year was spent out in hundreds of tomato plants. I am not much of gardener, but i found the alone time appealing so I was happy to get that job. I will never forget the first day my boss was trying to teach me the ropes. I had imagined getting tools such as a hose, or maybe some sort of shovel, but no instead I was handed a pair of scissors.
"Scissors?" I wondered to myself, "What kind of growing will I accomplish with these?"
"A lot actually" Experience responded as the summer progressed.
That day I was taught an important technique of pruning. Those tomato plants were BIG, with lots of leaves and many baby tomatoes, but the fact is that the trunk of the plant could not support it all, and so by cutting off even some of the "good" parts, I helped preserve the life of the plant, and ensured a harvest.
Life is kind of like that sometimes. I have dreams, goals, plenty of things on my bucket list. Coming up with a to-do list is not a problem, but the real issue occurs in the balance of letting some good things go, as an insurance to life itself. Life could easily be summed up in priorities, and while some of my dreams are extremely high priorities I have other responsibilities that are higher.Education is important, its one of the biggest predictors of a "secure" life - and greatly increases ones realm of influence. I have a goal to make a difference in this old planet, and this over arching goal is a priority.  That being said my mission year is delayed (again) but unlike the tomato parts that I cut off, it still is alive, just on a back burner, a goal that will be accomplished one day, someday, in the future.

“As the gardener, by severe pruning, forces the sap of the tree into one or two vigorous limbs, so should you stop off your miscellaneous activity and concentrate your force on one or a few points"

Ralph Waldo Emerson

To the day, and the night.

Well technically its morning... I'm pullin an all nighter to complete a project for tomorrow. It was a 9 person team- and while my sub group of 3 completed our task in advance, other did not. So here I am trying to prep for a 5 min speech off of someone else's notes... not my cup of tea...

Speaking of tea, its brewing, all hot and steamy... ideally it will give me enough juice to finish all that is set to be accomplished tonight.

And so the question is raised, why am I updating my blog instead of pounding away at my project? - because I need to. There is something about the night, or really any time when all is silent, that I can really think. There is no music playing, no laughing or giggling, no texts or Facebook updates, no distractions, silence. The only noise is self made, fingers tapping on a key board, accompanied by the resounding, deafening, silence.

Slowly I breath in and out, I need to focus on my school, but my mind finds so many other tangles of life to pick apart. I reflect on my teacher conference, i thought it would be a quick 20 min talk, but it quickly expanded to an hours time, and would have continued without the intrusion of previous appointments. I resound with the rhythmic beat of the memory of a well matched, yet relaxing dance of racquetball played earlier today. And then I remember her.

She was pacing back behind the nursing building, tucked nicely in the corner as to be hidden from prying eyes. I was just simply walking to be picked up from work. She kept her hands up by her face, and was clearly upset. I started to walk by, but couldn't. I called out to her but she kept at her furious whirl, oblivious to the world around her. I started to walk away again, but God stopped me with one question.
"If it was you?..." 
I didn't even argue, turning around again I slowly edged my way into her well worn path and just waited. It seemed like an eternity as she paused with her back to me, before spinning around to "attack" from a different direction. She stopped suddenly shocked at my appearing, it was a bit of an awkward moment as I begged for the words to say.
"If it was you..", He gently guided.
"Can I give you a hug?". I whispered hesitantly, how was I to know that she would need or what was her way of being encouraged? I had never seen her before! My mind raced as I waited for her brain to process both my intrusion and response.
Instead of an answer with words, she engulfed me in her arms. I hugged her back and just listened to her cry for a bit. Eventually I quietly prayed aloud for God to be with her no matter the storm. After I squeaked out an "amen" (for she had tightened her grip significantly), she slowly began to release me.
I smiled and said my goodbyes, and continued on my way... shrugging off my boss's quizzical gaze as i jumped in the van.

Flash forward to 2 am - technically the next day. I am awake and stressed. A bit lost, a little angry. I started complaining to my Heavenly Father, re hashing the same fears, and pondering the loneliness that silence has a way of emphasizing.
"I could use a hug" I mumble to Him.
"You have one" He responded, along with the memory.

Life isn't all about having someone special there for you all the time, everyone will at some point fail - excluding God that is.  Life really boils down to two choices, wait for someone to rescue me, or get off my bum and rescue myself. I can't control the hearts and minds of others, I cannot make or other wise endure someone to love me, but I can love someone else. I can help relieve another persons pain, and while I may not have anyone to relieve mine, there is a balm that comes from this loving of others, that can heal, the choice is mine alone.

But it gets better...The fact is that Someone already has, and forever will love me, for who I really am. In an amazing adventure, full of mishaps and bountiful mistakes I am learning to Love Him as well, and it is His love for me, that gives me strength to love others, and thus to help heal my own wounds - Amazing huh? <3

"The woods are lovely, dark, and deep,
But I have promises to keep,
And miles to go before I sleep,
And miles to go before I sleep. " 
~ Robert Frost. 

A Hike Gone Wrong Part 3

SO, some people are wanting to hear the story... *ahem*.

 After tumbling off the log and in some ways shaking up my noggin, it started to dawn on me that this could develop into a difficult situation. As we continued trudging along the ridge, my mind started wandering to various ways of survival.

I kept kicking myself for not bringing my iPhone; there really wasn't service at camp so forgetting all the other amazing gadgets (such as a GPS and Compass)... While technically I should be fine in the woods, I'm a "master guide" but somehow all the lessons and various Honors requirements vanished from my memory... Being a Pathfinder Master guide doesn't mean anything if I cant remember how to get home, or in the very least make it though the next few hours. And so I debated.

Anna was chill with following my scatter brained leads, first this ridge, then that. We crisscrossed the area looking for something familiar.  My mind hiked through the libraries of random information - yet was unable to open anything worthwhile.
"God" I prayed,silently "please help us find something, pretty much anything."
We were getting tired and thirsty. The fall had injured my hip, and outside contact was slow at best. On some of the ridges we could get one or two bars of service with Anna's stone age phone. So we started texting Joel back at camp, first stating that we were lost, then outlining a time when he could start to worry.  I thought that maybe if he could tell me where camp was in relation to the sun, I could make a compass of sorts and get us back, interesting theory but not very helpful.

Over a creek, through some brush, but no grandparents house in sight, until down in the trough of some random ridges we spied a cabin.

(to be continued...)

An amazing day - Backwards

Sooo my day was AMAZING  - however the best parts were first sooo i am going to tell it backwards

This evening I met up with some friends - we went out to eat and then went bowling as a pre-birthday thing for one of us who has their birthday in the summer (Amazing idea btw !)

Previous to that I got to meet up with some of my super good friends from a mission trip back in 07 - It was great to see everyone and just talk and catch up a bit - we have all grown in so many ways, both through Pain and Joy... fascinating really.

Before I met up with them I explored the depths of the earth - well at least the depths of the "potato" cave here on campus - Imagine crawling on your stomach through a super tight space,  in water. A bit sketchy - but pretty awesome and I highly recommend it (Note: the whole cave is NOT in water - i just got particularly stubborn and wanted to get on  to as far back as possible )

Most of the morning however (so prior to my caving experience) was dedicated to SonRise - unarguable the best part of my day. As I dodged between people - both actors and fellow audience people, I got to hear and observe so many things - The innocent kids taking the Epic story of our Savior in, in a way that they likely won't forget.  - The Devil, first tempting Jesus and harassing Him with various means of manipulation, interestingly mixed with truth "These Humans Don't deserve Your sacrifice - You are the King of Kings...Give up" etc. - Hearing the "Mobsters" fight, some for Jesus, and sadly Many against Him.. one particular actor made my blood boil with his fighting words, as terrible as it was, I glared him down until he finally shut his mouth :S Personally, I don't think I have enough "umph" to yell so many things that I don't believe - and make it sound convincing,  not an easy job I'm Sure.

So before I started the whole adventure of experiencing that amazing weekend - I took time to Read each of the Gospels accounts. I Love reading, for me its like seeing into something that I otherwise could not fully perceive  - So reading - or to me - seeing those Passionate scenes through each of their eyes as they reflected on His Sacrifice was really special. Certainly a new tradition :)

"You are God and though we would
Not have understood You
There You were

Hanging blameless on a cross
You would rather die than leave us in the dark
Every moment, every planned coincidence
Just all makes sense
With Your last breath" 


- " You were there" ~ Avalon. 

Reflection

So today was just amazing. Work was chill and regular (not bad but not special either) and then a much needed nap before racquetball class. Then I stayed and played doubles after class (I think its my favorite way to play) and yeah in general had fun.

Okay I'm sleepy. sooo yeah someday i will finish my previously continuing  story but for now I have a lot to think about and sleep to catch up on :)

Part of every misery is, so to speak, the misery's shadow or reflection: the fact that you don't merely suffer but have to keep on thinking about the fact that you suffer. I not only live each endless day in grief, but live each day thinking about living each day in grief.
C. S. Lewis

A Hike Gone Wrong part 2

We panted and struggled to make it just over the top of the ridge, fully expecting the welcome scene of a small lake and some quaint cabins to reward us for our effort.
Finally we made it to the top, only to see... nothing but "nature".
I hummed and hawed a bit, this was when I should have swallowed my ambitions and just back tracked back to camp, atlas my pride got the better of me.
"It must be this way!' I rallied as I pointed to another ridge. Surely continuing on our harebrained idea was better than turning back now.
So we continued along the top of the ridge, weaving in between the trees, talking merrily about all sorts of things.
We cross over to the second ridge, Nothing.
Now I know I'm stumped and I knew Anna knew that as well. We consider various options - the logical ideal being to return on our path and head back, the more adventurous (Yet stupid) being to continue on.
So I picked a new ridge in a direction I thought was correct and away we went.
Now then we started this journey expecting to play in the creeks etc, so we dressed appropriately in flip flops and shorts -not the correct attire for mountain climbing. Also I loathe spiders, snakes and scorpions (the terrible S's.) and there happened to be a plenty full amount of the first S in this  Georgia Forest.
So lets do some simple math :
Essentially bare feet + copious amounts of spiders living in the fallen leaves = A very wary Katie.
I was watching the leaves and other matter under my feet almost more than the woods around me. (not a good idea). And so I devised a brilliant idea, by going from log to log I could avoid the creepy crawly creatures!
"Ah Ha!" I thought triumphantly to myself as I scouted, planned and executed my escape from the leaves and their creepy tenants.  However I forgot one important detail, logs are slick, and going too fast on them is not an advisable
"AHHHHH!!!" I yelled a lost my footing and tumbled backwards. Gymnastic auto-pilot kicks in as I wrench my body into a more perpendicular position, as to prevent further sliding. However the fear of  falling down the mountain was not on the top of my list as I hit that forest floor. No, instead terrors of spiders filled me and I hurried to get back into a standing position in record time.
Anna hardly had time to whip around before I was back up standing, how be it unsteadily, on my own two feet.
"Try not to step on the logs, they are slick" She cautioned as we trudged onward... So much for my grand idea.

(To be continued)

A hike Gone wrong (Part 1)

So it started out pretty normal. Anna and I rebelled against the popular tide and decided to go on our own hike. Now then, contrary to popular belief it wasn't that we didn't want to hang out with them, or that we didn't like these people. No, no, it was really just because we wanted to explore the creek we found and walking around the lake just was not as appealing.
Anyways, off we went,  I was expecting some good conversation, pictures and a nice pleasurable hike. Wow I was totally wrong -It started off just fine; Anna played in the water, I photographed the creek, trees and everything "nature".
Then I saw it.
A creepy old cabin off the trail, extremely tempting. As I wandered towards it, Anna followed a little ways behind. It turned out to be your average random abandoned cabin, nothing special. Dusty, dirty, a little eerie, exactly what one would expect to find. However, there was one thing special about it. There was a smaller  creek (different than our main original one) that was bubbling on by. I couldn't just ignore it and return to the path! So I took Frosts advice to heart and made my own trail, well untill i realized there was a perfectly fine one on the opposite side of the creek. So we crossed it and continued on our way.
Eventually we came upon a National forest boundary sign. The fact that we were leaving Camps property, didn't slow or faze us one bit, on ward and forward we marched.
Eventually though we started to think about heading back, as I looked around I saw a high ridge. I immediately assumed that there was only one such ridge in the area and that camp must be on the other side. Anna was obliging and so we ditched our little trail to do some real trail blazing.
However Ridges have a special way of appearing smaller and easier when one is at the bottom as compared to about half way up. Speaking from personal experience, I tend to set a goal while hiking and then realize its a bit harder than planned inevitably later in the game...

Well  Anyways on ward and forward we marched, camp MUST be just over this hill and then it would be smooth and easy sailing from there... Little did we know...

(To be continued)