Have you ever run or fought something for so long that you cant even remember why? or even Who you are fighting against? its pretty much worthless to fight against God - its a basic knowledge, yet somehow i manage to get myself into these LONG fights that stretch on for months. i get to the point where i develope a very good ear, at selective hearing. I run about my life, sometimes listening and then watching amazing things happen (LE leadership, SALT, SAU.) and then other time i clamp my hands over my ears and run in spirals trying to ignore the sound of my Fathers calling.
Sometimes i do both. I will be right in the midst of where He wants me and yet refusing to take that next step. Let me be first to say that I am a stubborn fool. However, that truth alone proves to ME that there is a God who cares about me. He knows I'm stubborn and so with 20/20 hindsight I can see where He started a battle a LONG time ago.
"GO"
Its a simple direction and yet one that i refused to listen to. Go? - sure I'll go, but not till later, not till I'm done with school, Not till I'm married, etc etc etc. But the funny thing about a one word directive is that there is no room for interpretation, not if I'm being Honest with myself and my God. As much as i have said, "Oh God should and is first is my life" Lalala sunshine and roses we have been fighting behind closed doors per say. Looking back i have NO idea exactly where this fight began... almost a year ago now, i had completed all the paper work that was needed to be a SM with AFM. I was accepted etc, my name is still in their system i had one more paper and a deposit and voila i would have been on my way. But when i came up to that cliff I could NOT jump. I couldn't even crawl. And while it sounds horrible I'm glad I didn't.
Would God still have used me if i had? Yes I believe He would have, but here is where His wisdom comes in. He Knew that I would balk as I came up to that edge, He Knew that I would swing out as far away from what He wanted, He knew i would get hurt but He also Knew i would come back. He knew that i would NOT want to lead a canvassing group, but He also knew that through various circumstances that I could be edged into it. He knew that I wanted to go to Union, but He also knew how to get my attention and lead me to SALT. and through SALT to southern, bit by bit the Master Artist took the various random broken pieces of glass of my life and started to etch His masterpiece.
Currently I don't know exactly where this Master piece is going but i have this crazy feeling that it includes finally full filling the original command - Go
Through this realization and in MANY ways surrender, i feel like im flying. yes I am quite possibly flying into a really dark and scary storm but this time, i will not balk. God willing I will find my call and I will, I will "GO"
Please pray for me as I take on this next step in my Journey, it wont be easy, but it will be worth it.
Whether you believe you can do a thing or not, you are right.
Henry Ford
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