terrifying flash backs

It was Second grade, second period, and I was facing my arch nemesis Math.
It was a simple game. about 5 problems up on the board, and 5 students selected to come forward and solve them. No problem right? Except that day I was picked to be one of the 5.
I can still remember getting up to the board and my mind went blank. I had no idea how these numbers, two separate entities, were suppose to make a totally new one. I panicked and got no where.
The room got unusually warm and I knew my face was changing colors - due to the loud mouthed kid proclaiming it from the front row. Suddenly the room started spinning, I couldn't even make out the numbers anymore, all I could hear was his accusing tone and the snickers rippling through the class, and then reverberating in my mind. Finally all the others finished and left me alone. Alone. My teacher was watching me with that terrible look I'd rather not ever remember. I finally managed to make out something on that green surface and scratch out an answer. Then I promptly make and about face, and stumble back to my seat, stumbling all the way, swearing to myself that I would avoid ever doing anything upfront like such ever again.

12 years later I am standing in a different class. Its a simple task, hit a blue orb 4 times against a white wall and make sure it lands beyond a specific red line. No biggie. Me, a confident, vibrate sophomore could do this simple skills test no problem. But all of a sudden I am not the confident vibrate sophomore in college, no instead I am  that same little girl in second grade stumbling over simple math problems.

I tried 2 times with peers and teacher silently observing, both times failing in the worst of ways. My teacher sent me out and I will admit it, I almost lost it. My face was red, my eyes were watery and I was falling into a tail spin. I found a little corner under some stairs and took several deep breaths and complained to my Father about my heart rate, this stupid class, and my cursed fear. He patiently listened and while He didn't say anything per say, I knew He was there.  I went to a different court and practiced a bit until a fellow student told me my teacher wanted me.

At this point I would have rather given up, however since I apparently had no choice I came back in, once again studying my shoes and stumbling, preferring that wood floor to open up and swallow me alive then have to go through this torture and embarrassment again. I braced myself for the worse and avoided my teachers gaze as I entered the court. However, I was in for a surprise.   Instead of lecturing on how to hit the ball or mentioning how all the other students had passed, my teacher simply said, "You can do this Katie." With those five simple words, I started to have hope.

Whap, bounce.

"One down, 3 more to go with 4 more tries." my teacher reminded.

Whap, flop. My serve came up short, With it my confidence crumbled.

"Go again, You can do this"

I said a quick prayer and took another breath

Whap, bounce.

"Perfect!"

Whap, bounce.

"Beautiful! - Okay Just one more."

My courage faltered, I prayed again and reminded myself to breathe.

Whap, bounce.

Victory was mine.



Success is not final, failure is not fatal: it is the courage to continue that counts.
Winston Churchill